Scott Gallagher

Only a 1% Chance...

Shortly after I began treatment, a counselor said something in one of our group sessions that forever altered my life. “Statistically, we have the best results in Canada for the treatment of alcoholism,” he said. “BUT if you are also addicted to crack cocaine, then you have less than a 1% chance of staying sober for even one year.”

The statement stunned me. Even though I didn’t see myself as having an existing cocaine or alcohol problem, the truth was that I had been drinking since I was a teenager and started smoking crack cocaine at university, so I’d been doing them on and off for about 15 years. Whenever my use of either one became severe, and seemed to be leading me towards potential homelessness, I would break the habit and turn myself around.

As I began looking more clearly at my life, something occurred to me. Even though I’d made numerous promises to never smoke crack cocaine again, I would always end up going back to it, and usually less than a year after telling myself I’d never do it again. Then I realized something else. Even if I DID make my millions after treatment, statistically speaking it was almost certain that I would smoke crack again. So it wouldn’t matter how much money I made, because I would probably end up losing it over and over again, like I always had.

It was at this point that my priorities changed. If I wanted to be a millionaire (which i have still yet to be), I first had to beat this 99% failure statistic that stood in front of me. Whether or not that statistic was actually true didn’t matter. What mattered is that I BELIEVED it to be true – so I began looking for an answer to beat the statistics.

What also came to me were two important realizations. One was that this treatment centerdid not have the answer I needed – because if they did, their failure rate (for people like me) would not be more than 99%, like it was. Second was that I had to find the answer myself – and that it probably would have to be unconventional, or at least radically different to what the 99% of people who failed were doing now. And I soon met a man who fit my criteria of being both unconventional and radical.

Someone Who’d Accomplished What I Wanted...

Before telling you more, I should probably say that I now see myself as being “recovered from recovery.”  That is, I no longer go to recovery meetings of any sort unless specifically invited by someone to share my story, or if I see some other reason that could benefit others. That means I might attend a 12-step meeting maybe once or twice a year.

What makes that even more unusual is that, after I left treatment, I came to be known by many people as a “booker” – also known as a 12-step “Big Book thumper” or a “recovery Nazi.”  “So what is that?” you may be asking yourself. Well let me take you back to the man I just mentioned.

We met in a Cocaine Anonymous meeting during my second week of treatment. Charlie, as I’ll call him, was 11 years free from his crack cocaine addiction. But more importantly, he had a purpose and passion for life. I became so attracted to his energy that I decided to ask him for his help.

Charlie visited me once in treatment, but our first ‘official’ meeting was at a coffee shop two days after I “graduated”.  He told me to bring a hardcover copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the “Big Book” to people in the 12 steps, which I did.

That day, Charlie opened my eyes to what this new work was going to take. He made it clear that the answer I was looking for – “permanent recovery” – was not only possible, it was in THAT book. He also told me that just going to recovery meetings wasn’t enough. I would have to rigorously ”work the program”, practice the 12 steps, and follow what the Big Book said. He added that he was willing to help and teach me for free, not out of personal generosity but because that is what helped him to stay clean and sober.

Telling me I would become a teacher too, Charlie said that teaching others (what he was doing with me) would be my key to not relapsing. Quoting from the Big Book he said, “strenuous work, one alcoholic (or addict) with another was vital to permanent recovery.” What’s more, I would need to help other addicts for the rest of my life because, if I ever stopped, I would be at risk of smoking crack again.

That first session was earth shattering for me. Once again, whether what Charlie taught me was true or not is not important. What mattered is that I BELIEVED what he told me. And from that point on, I went from being on a “mission in commission” – to a “mission in addiction.”