Scott Gallagher

Frequently, when we think about something we don’t want, we’re actually not choosing our thoughts at all. We’ve just fallen back into our old, habitual ways of thinking – a sort of mental stuckness, where we keep running the same thoughts over and over and over.  It’s our unconscious programming.  However, choosing our thoughts means focusing our mind (gently, but firmly) on what we want to experience within and in our life.

It’s like the book title, Think and Grow Rich. That is a perfect title to describe how we can actively choose our thoughts – instead of letting them go automatically to what we normally think about, which for most of us is scarcity or not having enough. The idea is simple; however, it’s the practice and mastering of it that seems so hard.

Let me give you another example to demonstrate what I’m saying...

The Power of Not Choosing Our Thoughts...

I was in Florida recently to run a couple of marathons. It was 80-degree weather almost every day, and just beautiful. It was my first holiday in a long time; an opportunity to be away from everything, to read a good book, and sharpen the saw. It was a perfect vacation.

At the end of my holiday, I drove to Tampa so I could return my rental car and catch my plane the next morning. Soon as I stepped into the airport, I got a cold. And on the flight home, I began to feel rotten. I also started eating all kinds of junk food, like potato chips, cola, chocolate; all the stuff  I’ve told myself I don’t want to eat. While I didn’t make myself wrong for it – I just noticed it and kind of smiled at myself – because I knew what was happening and why.

My unhealthy food choices were impacted, and possibly caused by, the future I was living into.

When I was ‘living into’ the future of going to Florida, running marathons, experiencing the sunshine, the warmth, the beauty, and having time away, I was feeling great. I was eating well and taking care of myself. But when I got onto that plane and was heading home to mounting bills, “needing” to find more work, and no more marathons for over a month, I began living into a different future. Now my thinking was more like, “It’s a cold winter there. My holidays are up. And I don’t want to go. Why do I have to go home? I’d rather be here.” I felt restless, irritable and discontented. And I wanted something to escape that – something quick and easy that would not require the work or discipline of choosing my thoughts.

The easy way to do that in the moment was to eat some junk food – and give myself a temporary ‘feel good.’ The more challenging way (though it didn’t occur to me then) would have been to say to myself, “Okay Scott, what empowering thoughts could you create here? Now that you’re going home, what kind of thinking could you choose that would inspire you?” Instead of that, my mind went to what I didn’t want (to be going back home), or to what was easy, familiar and comfortable (like eating junk food). But I wasn’t really ‘choosing my thoughts’ at all.

Choosing a Future to Live Into...

That reminds me of a story I heard some years ago, about how they catch monkeys for zoos.

Trappers take a small cage into the jungle, and inside the cage they place a bunch of bananas. When a monkey comes along and spots the bananas, it will reach through one of the narrow openings in the cage and grab one. However, because the banana is bigger than the hole he’s put his hand through, the monkey can’t get the banana out. No matter how hard he tries, he simply cannot pull his hand out while holding on to the banana.

When the trappers return, the monkey is caught in a dilemma. If he would just let go of the banana, he could pull out his hand, run away and be free. However, because he wants the banana so much, he won’t let go – and is easily caught.

Our mind is a lot like that monkey – and our problems are like those bananas. We think about them and we think about them. We think about how to stop them. We think about what’s wrong with us that we can’t stop them. We think about what got us into them. We think about what others did to get us into them. And we think about trying to stop thinking about them... Yet all the while, we’re still holding on to the ‘banana.’ No matter how hard we try, the result is that we keep holding onto our problems. However, the only way we’ll ultimately be able to let the problems go is by letting go of that thinking – and focusing on being free. And that’s the future we need to live into.

“Let Go and Let God”

In the 12 steps, there’s a principle called, “Let go and let God.” (If you don’t believe in or agree with the idea of God, don’t sweat it. Use another term that works for you: higher power, true self, inner wisdom, whatever.)

For me, what that statement reflects is the same principle I’ve been talking about here: Letting go of focusing on our problem. In other words, releasing our attachment to and thinking about it; letting go of fighting it or trying to change ourselves; and shifting our focus on to what we feel our ‘higher will’ is for us. It’s also letting go of whatever we’ve done in the past and beginning to trust in the process. Like making amends or apologies. Being honest. Helping other people...

At their roots, the 12 steps are also about redirecting our thoughts and our actions in a completely different direction from our problem. In fact, that’s even stated in the program. I’ve often heard it said something like this: Have you ever noticed that, out of 12 steps, there’s only one step that even mentions your actual addiction? It’s Step One: to admit that you’re powerless over your addiction. The concept is that if you admit you’re powerless over it, then you can stop fighting it. And your mind will start to let go of that banana...

Whether you want to use the 12 steps or not is up to you. It’s useful for some people, though not everyone. All I’m pointing out here is that it uses some of the core principles to help people shift their thinking. By releasing the focus off our problems and redirecting our thoughts and behavior towards the future and the experience we want, we will develop new, healthier habits and create a more empowering life.

Habits, Addictions and the Law of Attraction is about both redirecting and releasing. That is, thinking about what we want AND letting go of what we’re thinking about and doing now. However, like that monkey, many of us don’t like to let go – even if the pressure to change, or the pain from the consequences of what we’re doing now is great. That part of our mind likes what’s familiar and comfortable. It would rather not change. It’s uncertain what the future holds (especially if we’re not actively choosing it). And it’s afraid of letting  go of what we’re thinking or doing right now.

So don’t force yourself... Instead, choose one area where you can begin thinking in new ways. Choose one tiny action you can do today to move in a direction you want to go. And begin there. Do it today, do it tomorrow, do it the next day... and soon it will become a new habit.

Letting Go of Negativity

Here’s another tip for recognizing the bananas that you may be holding on to.

Many people who experience unwanted or destructive habits have a lot of negative thinking going on inside, thinking that they’re often not aware of. For example, they might focus a lot on what’s wrong with other people. This could include blaming, complaining or criticizing others in their family, at work or in the world. They may frequently give advice to or try to fix others (or one person in particular).  Or they may continually be trying to correct, improve or fix themselves.
 
If any of these hit close to home, just know that I’m not trying to point fingers at you specifically. Millions of people fit that description! Once again, it’s simply like the air we breathe or the water we drink. It’s part of being human. And most of us aren’t even aware that we’re doing it.

That’s why we need to notice it – and realize the impact it’s having on our life. Why? Because any frequent or continuous focusing on what’s wrong (or “negativity”) will fuel bad feelings within us. With that comes a desire to escape those feelings, by seeking for something that will make us feel better. And that’s what’s driving our unwanted habits.

Those who do research on such things say that our mind has between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts a day – and that the majority of those are negative.  If that’s true, it means that most of us have tens of thousands of negative thoughts each and every day causing our negative feelings. NO WONDER there are so many people with so many different unwanted habits in our society!

If that’s our situation, what kind of change would be realistic?  I’m not telling you to give up judging completely, or that you should never have a negative thought. You’re human. I’m simply saying that we all have a ‘habit’ of thinking that way. Can you see the value of developing a new habit – of choosing to see events and people more positively, acknowledging others more often for the good they do, or looking at what’s right in your life and being grateful? Would that be a habit worth developing?”

One positive thought alone isn’t going to dramatically alter your feelings. But it’s a starting point.  It’s one practical step you can take. And by doing it many times, it will grow that new habit or muscle within you. That’s why each chosen thought makes a difference.

The same thing applies to our behaviors. I don’t tell people to stop doing their habits or addictions, simply because I know that won’t happen; it’s not practical or realistic. They’ve been saying that to themselves already.  Instead, I might invite them to start counting and observing their habit by asking themselves, “How often am I doing this today?”

That question brings the habit more to mind, instead of it being mostly unconscious. People get to see or notice themselves doing it, but without having to judge it. “Oh, there’s one. And there’s another...” Then if they want to, they can begin to take small steps towards the goal they want to achieve. “I’m smoking 100 cigarettes a day right now, and I’d like to stop smoking altogether. Why don’t  I start with smoking one less today?”

This approach is one of the things that helped me stop smoking. My program also included drinking water to replace the need to smoke, as well as doing a little exercise, and growing other new habits.

Whatever your habit is now, think about what goal you would like to reach or where you ideally would like to be. Next, start observing and counting how often you do your habit. And after a few days, ask yourself:  What ridiculously small amount could I reduce that by, today? Do that for a few days, then ask yourself that question again. Keep doing that and see what happens with your habit.

We focus even more on the problem we want to get rid of. By giving it energy, it grows in our minds. This makes us feel even worse, so we do the behavior again and again to get the "peace, comfort and relief" we need, even though we know there will be consequences.  And eventually we develop the belief that we are powerless against it. It's definitely a vicious circle.

Eckhart Tolle said once said “One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove the emotional pain, which is one of the reasons for its incessant activity, but all it can ever achieve is to cover it up temporarily.  In fact, the harder the mind struggles to get rid of the pain, the greater the pain”

Consider the view point that it is not that we are powerless against our unwanted habits or addictions, it is that we are so powerful, our thoughts are so powerful that we are actually the one keeping the thing that is unwanted in our lives alive. 

By redirecting our thoughts away from the unwanted behavior entirely, and more in the direction of what you want and what makes you feel good, the energy you were giving the unwanted habit starts to lessen.

Whether you are the one who is experiencing an unwanted behavior that you are labeling a habit, compulsion or addiction, or something else, or if you are intimately involved or concerned with someone that is, consider the viewpoint that you are 100% the creator of your experience - that everything that is part of your experience right now is the result of the thoughts that you have been thinking up until this point.

And that the thoughts you are thinking today are creating what you will be experiencing in your future.

If we chose to believe that we are the creator of our experience and that we are attracting into our experience what we think and speak about, which also includes those things that we do not want (like habits and addictions) if we are thinking about them and feeling emotion about them, we are attracting them into our experience.  No one else creates our experience. No circumstance creates our experience. Only we do.

And while those might be very difficult words for most of us to hear, they can be particularly hard to hear when you see yourself as an alcoholic, abuse victim, or addict of some sort.   

And please be careful not to take what I am saying as THE truth; but consider it as a viewpoint or perspective of life you can choose to take on when and IF it empowers you.  In my earliest days in recovery, I doubt this view point would have served me because my consciousness was so locked in shame, blame, victimhood, desperation, and hopelessness. For me, being told I had a disease that was not my fault, that I was born with, actually helped relieve some of my guilt and self-hatred. It helped me reduce the degree to which I was blaming myself and making myself wrong for how my life had turned out. The powerless model was a great place for ME to start – and Ironically, believing in the powerless model actually gave me power! I am not sure taking on the “Addiction and Law of Attraction” viewpoint that I am the creator of my life experience, would have served me back then.  Maybe. I don’t know. But possibly not.

But if you get power from believing that you have deliberate control over your life experience, this is a very powerful viewpoint on life. It is a viewpoint that can give you the power of choice at many levels.

It is a viewpoint that is my viewpoint on life right now. It feels like the truth to me but I know it isn’t.  I used to believe so many things were the truth, and then later I believed something else, so I am open to believing that my current viewpoint which I am very passionate about could change – it gives me power to see my viewpoint as just that – a viewpoint, not the truth – cause when I say my way of seeing things is THE truth, it closes my mind to other possibilities, and more importantly, I can’t help but see my views as being better than yours – and that does not serve me, or the people I am out to make a difference with!

 “Teaching people in treatment for addiction problems that they ‘don’t know they have a problem’ may create a problem for them. Teaching them that they cannot control themselves may convince them that they cannot control themselves. Teaching them to believe that ‘treatment’ is the only solution to their problem may persuade them that they cannont solve problems on their own. It reinforces dependency. Teaching them that addiction is all-or-nothing may influce them to believe they can never be anything other than sick. Teaching them they’re powerless encourages them to act powerless. Teaching them they’re powerless encourages them to act powerless. Teaching them that abstinence is the only way to control their addiction may make them think that whenever they are not totally abstinent, they are out of control. Then, when they do take the drug, they make themselves feel as if they are out of control. The middle ground of St. Paul’s moderation in all things is denied to them.” quote from Addiction is a Choice by Jeffrey Schaler phd

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist, brain surgeon and psychiatrist, whose specialty was helping people with depression and suicide. During World War Two, Frankl was sent to the Nazi concentration camps because he was Jewish. He survived three different camps (including Auschwitz) for three years before being liberated. And after the war, he wrote a book called Man’s Search for Meaning, in which he described his horrific experiences and how he managed to live while others had died.

Frankl was a careful observer of other prisoners. He had seen so many die, including his own parents, that he became able to predict when this would happen.  The clue, he discovered, was when people’s suffering resulted in their life having no positive meaning any more. When people had no purpose and gave up on life – he could tell this by their conversations – that was when they were on their way to dying.

Viktor also noticed what helped people to live. It was those prisoners who, despite their suffering and torture, still found positive meaning in life – for example, by helping others or having family to look forward to.  So to help himself, Frankl gave talks to other prisoners on how to survive in the camps. He also made up a meaning for himself that the reason he was in these camps, witnessing all this horror, was that one day he could write about it, so it would never happen again.

After the war, Viktor Frankl even created a new form of therapy called “Logo Therapy,” based on the concept that man defines his own meaning and purpose in life. And his work and writing – about the importance of finding a positive meaning in everything, and thereby have a reason for living – has helped millions of people.

“…We create meanings from our unconscious interpretations of early events, and then we forge our present experiences from the meanings we’ve created. Unwittingly, we write the story of our future from narratives based on the past.”  From page 349 of Dr Gabor Mate’s book, In the Real of Hungry Ghosts – close encounters with addiction

“Your worst enemy cannot hurt you as much as your own thoughts, when you haven’t mastered them”, said the Buddha. “But once mastered, no one can help you as much – not even your father and your mother”

It is the meaning we give to events that determines our reaction to them… and the power they have over us, or we have over them.

As I was running the Vancouver Marathon today, thinking of Matt’s family and friends, I lifted my head to see a street named “Trafalgar” – the same street name I used to exit off when visiting Matt and his Mom in Oakville, which is over 3000 KM from Vancouver.  I believe Matt got me to lift my head at that exact moment so that I would be inspired to write this blog post about the difference Matt’s friends and family have made with addicted kids recently.

Let me first backtrack with what happened before I even got to the Marathon this morning.  I woke up to a facebook message from a student that attended the full day Power of Choice addiction prevention and habit intervention school program that was delivered to her school last week thanks to the donations Addiction Free Youth received from Matt’s funeral.

The message goes like this;

“I'm not sure how much sense this will make, I'm not the best at writing.  I have really bad adhd and my mother didn't know how to deal with it so I wasn't really allowed in my house before certain times and I grew up in a drug town out in Alberta , so i found myself wandering the streets and I found drugs and have been on them on and off since age 11. I had to move out here  4 years ago, for the first year I was living with my grandma and I cleaned up.  When my mom moved here I slowly started getting back into everything and lately i've started back up on some heavy stuff. Every time i got kicked out I would go to the city and just ruin myself. Now that I look at it, i had been asking what was wrong with me every day, I never wanted to go to school, or talk to anyone because I always thought there was something horrifically wrong with me.  

And honestly hearing what you had to say really made me think over everything and in retrospect I interpreted a lot of things a lot worse than what they actually were.

So, I just wanted to thank you for coming to (my school) the other day.
You helped me realize what I was doing to myself. I know It's only been a few days since the (28 day healthy habits) program started here, but i already feel so much better about everything around me.
You're presentation was really good and it really made me want to change.
I cant thank you enough.”

I did something different at this kids school thanks to Matt.  I spoke to 600 kids in the morning and at the end of my keynote, I invited students who wanted help with their addictions to attend a 1 hour information session explaining how the full day program works so they could know if they wanted to commit for 28 days or not.  63 kids came and as I was about to start my session with these kids, I go to put away my Ipod I was using for the keynote, and see Matt’s song “I have a Question” cued up for some reason.  I choose to believe there are no co-incidences and that Matt wanted me to play his tune for the kids.  I say to Matt “OK brother, let's do this”

So I talk to the kids about my love for Matt, and how he died, and then ask the students to listen carefully to the lyrics in Matt’s song.  You could literally hear a pin drop for the entire tune.  It was like sacred ground.  Unbelievable!!  And that is how the program started that day - and all these testimonies are the result of Matt, and his friends and family.

We also got two other unsolicited (meaning we did not even ask for them) testimonies from this school as well last week.

One from a teacher that was also in the program working on breaking free of her own addictions.  Here it is;

“Hello Scott,

Our first meeting was a huge success!!  All participants were on time and were very enthusiastic. They are already mentioning what happens after the 28 days, and are willing to continue the group. 

Thanks for this opportunity we are so very Thankful!!

Rachelle”

I also had a completely different student from this same school approach me freaking out about how she wanted to give me a testimony.  Here is the video of her testimony:

My profound thanks to Matt’s friends and family for their donations which funded the above school, impacting so many individuals.

For more information on the Power of Choice School Program delivered by Addiction Free Youth, scroll down this single page http://www.powerofchoice.org/power-of-choice-healthy-habits.html