Scott Gallagher

Only a 1% Chance...

Shortly after I began treatment, a counselor said something in one of our group sessions that forever altered my life. “Statistically, we have the best results in Canada for the treatment of alcoholism,” he said. “BUT if you are also addicted to crack cocaine, then you have less than a 1% chance of staying sober for even one year.”

The statement stunned me. Even though I didn’t see myself as having an existing cocaine or alcohol problem, the truth was that I had been drinking since I was a teenager and started smoking crack cocaine at university, so I’d been doing them on and off for about 15 years. Whenever my use of either one became severe, and seemed to be leading me towards potential homelessness, I would break the habit and turn myself around.

As I began looking more clearly at my life, something occurred to me. Even though I’d made numerous promises to never smoke crack cocaine again, I would always end up going back to it, and usually less than a year after telling myself I’d never do it again. Then I realized something else. Even if I DID make my millions after treatment, statistically speaking it was almost certain that I would smoke crack again. So it wouldn’t matter how much money I made, because I would probably end up losing it over and over again, like I always had.

It was at this point that my priorities changed. If I wanted to be a millionaire (which i have still yet to be), I first had to beat this 99% failure statistic that stood in front of me. Whether or not that statistic was actually true didn’t matter. What mattered is that I BELIEVED it to be true – so I began looking for an answer to beat the statistics.

What also came to me were two important realizations. One was that this treatment centerdid not have the answer I needed – because if they did, their failure rate (for people like me) would not be more than 99%, like it was. Second was that I had to find the answer myself – and that it probably would have to be unconventional, or at least radically different to what the 99% of people who failed were doing now. And I soon met a man who fit my criteria of being both unconventional and radical.

Someone Who’d Accomplished What I Wanted...

Before telling you more, I should probably say that I now see myself as being “recovered from recovery.”  That is, I no longer go to recovery meetings of any sort unless specifically invited by someone to share my story, or if I see some other reason that could benefit others. That means I might attend a 12-step meeting maybe once or twice a year.

What makes that even more unusual is that, after I left treatment, I came to be known by many people as a “booker” – also known as a 12-step “Big Book thumper” or a “recovery Nazi.”  “So what is that?” you may be asking yourself. Well let me take you back to the man I just mentioned.

We met in a Cocaine Anonymous meeting during my second week of treatment. Charlie, as I’ll call him, was 11 years free from his crack cocaine addiction. But more importantly, he had a purpose and passion for life. I became so attracted to his energy that I decided to ask him for his help.

Charlie visited me once in treatment, but our first ‘official’ meeting was at a coffee shop two days after I “graduated”.  He told me to bring a hardcover copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the “Big Book” to people in the 12 steps, which I did.

That day, Charlie opened my eyes to what this new work was going to take. He made it clear that the answer I was looking for – “permanent recovery” – was not only possible, it was in THAT book. He also told me that just going to recovery meetings wasn’t enough. I would have to rigorously ”work the program”, practice the 12 steps, and follow what the Big Book said. He added that he was willing to help and teach me for free, not out of personal generosity but because that is what helped him to stay clean and sober.

Telling me I would become a teacher too, Charlie said that teaching others (what he was doing with me) would be my key to not relapsing. Quoting from the Big Book he said, “strenuous work, one alcoholic (or addict) with another was vital to permanent recovery.” What’s more, I would need to help other addicts for the rest of my life because, if I ever stopped, I would be at risk of smoking crack again.

That first session was earth shattering for me. Once again, whether what Charlie taught me was true or not is not important. What mattered is that I BELIEVED what he told me. And from that point on, I went from being on a “mission in commission” – to a “mission in addiction.”

Recovery, Day One...

On November 4th, 1999, I decided to voluntarily check myself into an alcohol and drug treatment centre for 28 days. Even though I hadn’t done any drinking or used any hard drugs (like cocaine) in months, I was what some people would label a functional alcoholic or addict. Not that I saw myself that way, mind you. But I pretended to when I went for my assessment so they would let me into the centre. Because the real truth was, I went to treatment so I could make more money.

If that all sounds a bit strange, let me explain.

In the late ‘90s, I owned a small, five employee recruitment firm called The Executive Network. For over a decade I had done every self-help program I could get my hands on to achieve more business success. However what I also kept doing was sabotaging myself, in countless different ways, including the use of alcohol and drugs. While not on them right now, I also couldn’t stop smoking pot, chain smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee – and for some reason I believed that these “habits” were stopping me from earning all the millions of dollars I wanted.. 

My girlfriend (Lorri Spykerman) in those days had a severe drug problem. And I became inspired when she made amends to me for all the things she stole from me to feed her addiction. I witnessed her undergo a profound personality change as a result of dealing with her crack cocaine addiction in treatment. So I arrogantly thought, “if this type of transformation can happen for a low-life crack head like her” – perceiving myself as being superior to her - I figured whatever self-help program she was doing in this treatment center would help me stop smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking coffee.  I even told my staff that this was the reason I was going into treatment, and soon I would be back to lead us all to wealth. And they were excited!!

Looking back now, I see that what was really driving me was an ‘addiction’ to money, power and success. In fact, just prior to treatment I had finished writing an unpublished mini-book which I titled “How I became a Billionaire by the age of 50: an autobiography of the future by Scott Gallagher”. I kid you not!

I did not see myself as an alcoholic or addict, but I needed to convince the treatment center that I did, or they would not accept me as a client.  So I "lied".

Lorri Spykerman made amends to me while she was in treatment.  She was "being the change you want to see in others" as Ghandi said.  She never even suggested I needed treatment.  She never told me I was an addict.  She was the power of example.  Who she was being was so attractive that a "high-bottom" addict, that did not see himself as being an addict, willingly chose to get help for a problem he did not know he even had.

As a result of going to treatment, I found my mission in life - "my mission in addiction".  It is mind-boggling when I try and think about the profound impact Lorri has made to this planet, just by causing me to go to treatment.

Despite all the abuse and violence I inflicted on Lorri during the years we did drugs together, she asked me to be the master of ceremonies at her wedding.

Many people acknowledge me for the difference I have made in theirs and their families lives.  For me, all that acknowledgment also goes to Lorri!!  I have a life that I love beyond measure.  Thank You Lorri!

I just finished writing this piece to be added into my next revision of my book, Habits, Addictions, and The Law of Attraction.  It needs to be edited but wanted to get the message out now even in raw form....

"Because this book also deals with those types of habits that we call addictions - and because this book is primarily about the power of our thoughts and our power to choose them, it is important that we talk about “dopamine” which impacts our ability to choose our thoughts.

Dopamine is a reward chemical key in our brain circuits that is necessary for motivation and for mental and physical wellbeing.  Some external substances from sugar to cocaine to “being addicted to proving you are important”, cause artificially high levels of dopamine to be flooded into our system making us feel good.  If these substances or behaviors are taken, or engaged in, on a continuous basis, our brain’s own mechanism for secreting dopamine naturally becomes lazy.  For some people, this dopamine secretion mechanism is barely able to function, so they depend on the artificial boosters (their addictions) instead. 

When a person is dependent on an addictive behaviour, or chemical to stimulate the dopamine, if those artificial boosters were not present, the person experiences extreme dark levels of emotional and physical exhaustion where it truly seems near impossible to control or redirect their thought life. 

And in many cases, only long months of abstinence allows the brains dopamine mechanisms to regenerate to the point of producing the wellbeing chemical at normal rates naturally.  And while the person is going through the process of reducing or detoxing entirely, the depression can be horrendous.  It is very difficult to choose positive thoughts when the brains circuits are not working properly.

I am not saying this is the truth (and I am also not saying that it is not) but some experts believe that “dopamine” addiction is the only real addiction and that any behavior that can deliver a dopamine reward can be turned into an addiction (see this http://pandemicproject.com/uncategorized/donald-trump-diagnosed-with-debilitating-brain-disease )

Particularly if you feel  you are highly addicted to hard drugs like heroin, crystal meth, crack cocaine (and not to minimize any other addictions), or if you have the symptoms of ADD, ADHD, Bipolar, Depression or other mental “disorder” labels, please don’t beat yourself up any further than your mind is probably already doing to you if you can’t seem to redirect  your thoughts.   It is quite possible that your dopamine circuits are simply not running properly and are preventing you from doing so.

If this is the case and you find it seems impossible to choose or redirect your thinking, it might be a good idea to consult a medical addictions expert in how to responsibly withdraw from a substance or behavior that is artificially stimulating your dopamine.  And if you feel your inability to redirect your thoughts is not addiction related,  it could be equally beneficial to seek a mental health doctor to determine if there may be other factors that are negatively impact the your bodies natural ability to produce dopamine.  

The last thing I want for anyone, is that as a result of reading this book, they invalidate themselves for what ends up being an inability to follow the ideas contained in this book. Remember, everything in this book is not the truth and is definitely not the only way to having a great life!!"

It's Confirmed!! March 7th-11th I will be delivering school, community and parent workshops as well as individual coaching sessions for addicted members of this Inuvik Community http://inuvik.ca/

So my negative mind says to me today for the first time ever "Maybe I should go back to my old business of being a corporate headhunter.  This work in schools has never worked out financially for the 4 years I have been doing it.  Maybe it is time to just go back to doing what I know I can make money in?"

Two hours later I am sitting in a coffee shop finally taking the time to really read a letter I received from a school I was at a few months ago.  I was too busy trying to make money to really FEEL this letter when it first came in last month. 

I try my best to not promote here on my blog but posting this just feels right. This letter makes clear to me that God wants me to keep going with my mission in the schools.  Thank you God.  And thank you Karen Berezowski and the students of Northumberland Regional High School, Westville, Nova Scotia.

November 14th, 2010

Dear Scott,

Please find enclosed some of the feedback from our students after they completed the Power of Choice Program.  You may use it as you like!

They have decided to continue meeting, and it is due in part to the connections they feel with the members of the group.  It is a place where they feel safe to chat about their challenges and successes.

You made a difference in the lives of our students and for me.  We appreciate the time you took to come down to our school and share your experiences.  We learn from others.  You took the time to listen, share and be honest.  Thank you for that.

We look forward to hearing about your continued growth and accomplishments.  When you return to Nova Scotia, keep some space open for a return to NRHS.  We would love to reconnect with you.

Sincerely,

Karen Berezowski

Here is the text from the anonymous notes from students that were included in Karen’s letter to me!

“I feel so much better about myself and I have managed to make friends.  We are actually going to continue the meetings because we all enjoy the meetings, and support“

“I thought that this was a huge help in reducing my habit, I made me aware that what I’m doing has to stop and how much I was actually doing it.  I remember one week I was up to 22 times in one day.  Now I’ve reduced so much, through the week I don’t do it at all, and sometimes on the weekend I only do it once.  Thank you so much for introducing this program to our school.  We all really apresiate it” (that is how he/she spelled “appreciate”)

“Even though my habits haven’t improved, I still feel better about myself because I’m able to keep my promises.  Even if this is over I’m going to keep trying to improve my habits until they’re gone.”

“Over the past 5 weeks I have been feeling better than every odd day I feel sick most of the time but now I’m better” (that is the exact words from the student – sorry)

“I have almost quit my bad habit.  I am down to like once a day.  This group has helped me a lot.  So I just wanted to say thanks.”

A woman came to me for coaching about her unwanted habit.  I will call her Ruth.

Ruth has had a severe food addiction for many years and now weighs over 300 pounds. When she came to see me, she told me she had been stuck in bed for days.  Most days, she could barely get up; she just lay there eating. She had recovered of alcoholism and drug addictions through the 12 steps and had tried many things to help herself with food but nothing seemed to work. And people close to her had basically given up on her and thought she was going to die.

When she was able to go out, Ruth had been taking part in 12-step groups. Unfortunately she wasn’t making much progress. What’s more, her sponsor was getting angry and impatient with her because she wasn’t doing all the steps properly, such as making “amends” or apologies to people she had wronged in her life. And as a result, Ruth was really getting down on herself.

This kind of experience had happened to her before. Over the years, Ruth had gone to a lot of respected authorities, people she thought would be able to help her. But because she wasn’t recovering at the pace they expected or doing exactly what they told her, they accused her of not trying hard enough and not being willing to change. They blamed her for her condition. And then Ruth blamed herself because she believed them.

I Just Listened...

As we began working together, I listened intently to her story. After hearing about her 12-step experience, I said, "Ruth, ideally making amends is important. I’ve certainly found it useful for myself. But what I hear is that you've got a lot a shame about not doing it."

"Yeah," she said, "I feel a lot of guilt."

"Well it sounds to me like you're not ready for that step right now,” I replied. “And there's nothing wrong with that. Let me tell you about the ammends I’m still not willing to make.” As I shared some of the places where I haven’t yet apologized to others, she visibly grew more comfortable and at ease. Then I asked her, “So what do you feel you can do, and would want to do  right now?” And then magic happened. For almost three hours, we explored the many different ways that she could and would be willing to help herself.

Expected Me to Make Her Wrong

When Ruth told me about not making her amends – a core step in the 12-step recovery process –she was expecting me to tell her that she “should” be doing them. Why? Because that's what she’s heard from others and has come to believe about herself: that she’s wrong for not doing everything her teachers, mentors or sponsors have been telling her to do. And she’s been making herself feel guilty because of it. However, this thinking process is part of what’s keeping her locked in her addiction or unwanted habit.

My interest wasn’t in trying to correct, fix or force Ruth into doing something she didn’t want to do. These would only add to her belief that there was something wrong with her and bad feelings that goes along with this belief. Instead, I wanted to help her see herself as right and accept herself as she is. "You don't need to do more amends,” I said. “You need to get rid of your shame and guilt." And that’s what we proceeded to do.

One of the Roots of our Problems

Like Ruth, many of us use this same kind of thinking all the time. When we have a “problem” or aren’t living up to our own (or society’s) expectations of us, we try to force ourselves into being “better” people. We tell ourselves that we ought to stop smoking or drinking. That we shouldn’t be watching so much TV or doing so much shopping. Or the ways we should be eating, exercising or living. We are addicted to should’s and shouldn’ts.

If this doesn’t change our behaviour, we turn up the heat some more. We tell ourselves that we’re bad or irresponsible. We make ourselves guilty for whatever it is we are doing or whatever it is we’re not doing, and everything we do that’s “wrong.” We may even say things to ourselves like “if you don’t change, you’re going to get sick or die.”

Yet we do all this with the best of intentions. We believe it will motivate us into having better behaviours and a happier life. But it ultimately doesn’t work. In fact, it actually does the opposite.  It reinforces our bad feelings about ourselves, and our deeper beliefs that we are bad, hopeless or guilty. And that actually leads us to want to do our unwanted habits even more.

A Transformation in Thinking

For me, the real goal wasn’t about changing Ruth’s behaviour. It was about helping her experience a transformation within – a basic shift in her thinking and feeling – that would release her from her attachment or need for her habit.

Dr. William Silkworth, an early pioneer in the addictions field, described this as the need for an “entire psychic change” to enable people to break out of their addictions. And that is what I focus on in the people with whom I work: Creating a profound inner shift of thinking that helps people feel better about themselves, so that they will be able to make lasting change in their lives.

Both Our Expectations Changed

When we began our session, I thought that being part of an ongoing group would be helpful for Ruth – because it would give her a community of support, and one to which she would also be accountable.

However as we talked, what became clear was that the most important thing for her was being able to listen to and honour herself. And, that being part of a 12-step or other food-related group might not serve her at this time – even though she’d previously had success with the 12 steps in getting off other addictions.

Initially that was hard for Ruth to accept. “But what about my food issues?” she said. “I'm eating too much!” It was almost like she was saying “I have to be part of this group, even though it’s not working for me.” So what I told her was this. “If you commit to a group, chances are high that you’ll end up feeling like you have to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, which you have just told me is not currently in alignment with what you want to commit to doing right now, so it probably will just end up making you feel more guilt and shame that you are not willing to do what the rest of the group is doing.  It does not appear to be your truth right now. What you need is to listen to what feels right for you.”

I also said something that really surprised her. “Maybe inside you want to be fat. Is it really all that important? In fact, who cares? I'm fat too,” I said. And she began to laugh. She wasn’t expecting to find that kind of acceptance of herself or her eating.

Have you been ‘beating yourself up’ or feeling guilty about something you are, or aren’t, doing? Is it really helping you to change?