Scott Gallagher

Frequently, when we think about something we don’t want, we’re actually not choosing our thoughts at all. We’ve just fallen back into our old, habitual ways of thinking – a sort of mental stuckness, where we keep running the same thoughts over and over and over.  It’s our unconscious programming.  However, choosing our thoughts means focusing our mind (gently, but firmly) on what we want to experience within and in our life.

It’s like the book title, Think and Grow Rich. That is a perfect title to describe how we can actively choose our thoughts – instead of letting them go automatically to what we normally think about, which for most of us is scarcity or not having enough. The idea is simple; however, it’s the practice and mastering of it that seems so hard.

Let me give you another example to demonstrate what I’m saying...

The Power of Not Choosing Our Thoughts...

I was in Florida recently to run a couple of marathons. It was 80-degree weather almost every day, and just beautiful. It was my first holiday in a long time; an opportunity to be away from everything, to read a good book, and sharpen the saw. It was a perfect vacation.

At the end of my holiday, I drove to Tampa so I could return my rental car and catch my plane the next morning. Soon as I stepped into the airport, I got a cold. And on the flight home, I began to feel rotten. I also started eating all kinds of junk food, like potato chips, cola, chocolate; all the stuff  I’ve told myself I don’t want to eat. While I didn’t make myself wrong for it – I just noticed it and kind of smiled at myself – because I knew what was happening and why.

My unhealthy food choices were impacted, and possibly caused by, the future I was living into.

When I was ‘living into’ the future of going to Florida, running marathons, experiencing the sunshine, the warmth, the beauty, and having time away, I was feeling great. I was eating well and taking care of myself. But when I got onto that plane and was heading home to mounting bills, “needing” to find more work, and no more marathons for over a month, I began living into a different future. Now my thinking was more like, “It’s a cold winter there. My holidays are up. And I don’t want to go. Why do I have to go home? I’d rather be here.” I felt restless, irritable and discontented. And I wanted something to escape that – something quick and easy that would not require the work or discipline of choosing my thoughts.

The easy way to do that in the moment was to eat some junk food – and give myself a temporary ‘feel good.’ The more challenging way (though it didn’t occur to me then) would have been to say to myself, “Okay Scott, what empowering thoughts could you create here? Now that you’re going home, what kind of thinking could you choose that would inspire you?” Instead of that, my mind went to what I didn’t want (to be going back home), or to what was easy, familiar and comfortable (like eating junk food). But I wasn’t really ‘choosing my thoughts’ at all.

Choosing a Future to Live Into...

That reminds me of a story I heard some years ago, about how they catch monkeys for zoos.

Trappers take a small cage into the jungle, and inside the cage they place a bunch of bananas. When a monkey comes along and spots the bananas, it will reach through one of the narrow openings in the cage and grab one. However, because the banana is bigger than the hole he’s put his hand through, the monkey can’t get the banana out. No matter how hard he tries, he simply cannot pull his hand out while holding on to the banana.

When the trappers return, the monkey is caught in a dilemma. If he would just let go of the banana, he could pull out his hand, run away and be free. However, because he wants the banana so much, he won’t let go – and is easily caught.

Our mind is a lot like that monkey – and our problems are like those bananas. We think about them and we think about them. We think about how to stop them. We think about what’s wrong with us that we can’t stop them. We think about what got us into them. We think about what others did to get us into them. And we think about trying to stop thinking about them... Yet all the while, we’re still holding on to the ‘banana.’ No matter how hard we try, the result is that we keep holding onto our problems. However, the only way we’ll ultimately be able to let the problems go is by letting go of that thinking – and focusing on being free. And that’s the future we need to live into.

“Let Go and Let God”

In the 12 steps, there’s a principle called, “Let go and let God.” (If you don’t believe in or agree with the idea of God, don’t sweat it. Use another term that works for you: higher power, true self, inner wisdom, whatever.)

For me, what that statement reflects is the same principle I’ve been talking about here: Letting go of focusing on our problem. In other words, releasing our attachment to and thinking about it; letting go of fighting it or trying to change ourselves; and shifting our focus on to what we feel our ‘higher will’ is for us. It’s also letting go of whatever we’ve done in the past and beginning to trust in the process. Like making amends or apologies. Being honest. Helping other people...

At their roots, the 12 steps are also about redirecting our thoughts and our actions in a completely different direction from our problem. In fact, that’s even stated in the program. I’ve often heard it said something like this: Have you ever noticed that, out of 12 steps, there’s only one step that even mentions your actual addiction? It’s Step One: to admit that you’re powerless over your addiction. The concept is that if you admit you’re powerless over it, then you can stop fighting it. And your mind will start to let go of that banana...

Whether you want to use the 12 steps or not is up to you. It’s useful for some people, though not everyone. All I’m pointing out here is that it uses some of the core principles to help people shift their thinking. By releasing the focus off our problems and redirecting our thoughts and behavior towards the future and the experience we want, we will develop new, healthier habits and create a more empowering life.

Habits, Addictions and the Law of Attraction is about both redirecting and releasing. That is, thinking about what we want AND letting go of what we’re thinking about and doing now. However, like that monkey, many of us don’t like to let go – even if the pressure to change, or the pain from the consequences of what we’re doing now is great. That part of our mind likes what’s familiar and comfortable. It would rather not change. It’s uncertain what the future holds (especially if we’re not actively choosing it). And it’s afraid of letting  go of what we’re thinking or doing right now.

So don’t force yourself... Instead, choose one area where you can begin thinking in new ways. Choose one tiny action you can do today to move in a direction you want to go. And begin there. Do it today, do it tomorrow, do it the next day... and soon it will become a new habit.

Letting Go of Negativity

Here’s another tip for recognizing the bananas that you may be holding on to.

Many people who experience unwanted or destructive habits have a lot of negative thinking going on inside, thinking that they’re often not aware of. For example, they might focus a lot on what’s wrong with other people. This could include blaming, complaining or criticizing others in their family, at work or in the world. They may frequently give advice to or try to fix others (or one person in particular).  Or they may continually be trying to correct, improve or fix themselves.
 
If any of these hit close to home, just know that I’m not trying to point fingers at you specifically. Millions of people fit that description! Once again, it’s simply like the air we breathe or the water we drink. It’s part of being human. And most of us aren’t even aware that we’re doing it.

That’s why we need to notice it – and realize the impact it’s having on our life. Why? Because any frequent or continuous focusing on what’s wrong (or “negativity”) will fuel bad feelings within us. With that comes a desire to escape those feelings, by seeking for something that will make us feel better. And that’s what’s driving our unwanted habits.

Those who do research on such things say that our mind has between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts a day – and that the majority of those are negative.  If that’s true, it means that most of us have tens of thousands of negative thoughts each and every day causing our negative feelings. NO WONDER there are so many people with so many different unwanted habits in our society!

If that’s our situation, what kind of change would be realistic?  I’m not telling you to give up judging completely, or that you should never have a negative thought. You’re human. I’m simply saying that we all have a ‘habit’ of thinking that way. Can you see the value of developing a new habit – of choosing to see events and people more positively, acknowledging others more often for the good they do, or looking at what’s right in your life and being grateful? Would that be a habit worth developing?”

One positive thought alone isn’t going to dramatically alter your feelings. But it’s a starting point.  It’s one practical step you can take. And by doing it many times, it will grow that new habit or muscle within you. That’s why each chosen thought makes a difference.

The same thing applies to our behaviors. I don’t tell people to stop doing their habits or addictions, simply because I know that won’t happen; it’s not practical or realistic. They’ve been saying that to themselves already.  Instead, I might invite them to start counting and observing their habit by asking themselves, “How often am I doing this today?”

That question brings the habit more to mind, instead of it being mostly unconscious. People get to see or notice themselves doing it, but without having to judge it. “Oh, there’s one. And there’s another...” Then if they want to, they can begin to take small steps towards the goal they want to achieve. “I’m smoking 100 cigarettes a day right now, and I’d like to stop smoking altogether. Why don’t  I start with smoking one less today?”

This approach is one of the things that helped me stop smoking. My program also included drinking water to replace the need to smoke, as well as doing a little exercise, and growing other new habits.

Whatever your habit is now, think about what goal you would like to reach or where you ideally would like to be. Next, start observing and counting how often you do your habit. And after a few days, ask yourself:  What ridiculously small amount could I reduce that by, today? Do that for a few days, then ask yourself that question again. Keep doing that and see what happens with your habit.