Scott Gallagher

Only a 1% Chance...

Shortly after I began treatment, a counselor said something in one of our group sessions that forever altered my life. “Statistically, we have the best results in Canada for the treatment of alcoholism,” he said. “BUT if you are also addicted to crack cocaine, then you have less than a 1% chance of staying sober for even one year.”

The statement stunned me. Even though I didn’t see myself as having an existing cocaine or alcohol problem, the truth was that I had been drinking since I was a teenager and started smoking crack cocaine at university, so I’d been doing them on and off for about 15 years. Whenever my use of either one became severe, and seemed to be leading me towards potential homelessness, I would break the habit and turn myself around.

As I began looking more clearly at my life, something occurred to me. Even though I’d made numerous promises to never smoke crack cocaine again, I would always end up going back to it, and usually less than a year after telling myself I’d never do it again. Then I realized something else. Even if I DID make my millions after treatment, statistically speaking it was almost certain that I would smoke crack again. So it wouldn’t matter how much money I made, because I would probably end up losing it over and over again, like I always had.

It was at this point that my priorities changed. If I wanted to be a millionaire (which i have still yet to be), I first had to beat this 99% failure statistic that stood in front of me. Whether or not that statistic was actually true didn’t matter. What mattered is that I BELIEVED it to be true – so I began looking for an answer to beat the statistics.

What also came to me were two important realizations. One was that this treatment centerdid not have the answer I needed – because if they did, their failure rate (for people like me) would not be more than 99%, like it was. Second was that I had to find the answer myself – and that it probably would have to be unconventional, or at least radically different to what the 99% of people who failed were doing now. And I soon met a man who fit my criteria of being both unconventional and radical.

Someone Who’d Accomplished What I Wanted...

Before telling you more, I should probably say that I now see myself as being “recovered from recovery.”  That is, I no longer go to recovery meetings of any sort unless specifically invited by someone to share my story, or if I see some other reason that could benefit others. That means I might attend a 12-step meeting maybe once or twice a year.

What makes that even more unusual is that, after I left treatment, I came to be known by many people as a “booker” – also known as a 12-step “Big Book thumper” or a “recovery Nazi.”  “So what is that?” you may be asking yourself. Well let me take you back to the man I just mentioned.

We met in a Cocaine Anonymous meeting during my second week of treatment. Charlie, as I’ll call him, was 11 years free from his crack cocaine addiction. But more importantly, he had a purpose and passion for life. I became so attracted to his energy that I decided to ask him for his help.

Charlie visited me once in treatment, but our first ‘official’ meeting was at a coffee shop two days after I “graduated”.  He told me to bring a hardcover copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the “Big Book” to people in the 12 steps, which I did.

That day, Charlie opened my eyes to what this new work was going to take. He made it clear that the answer I was looking for – “permanent recovery” – was not only possible, it was in THAT book. He also told me that just going to recovery meetings wasn’t enough. I would have to rigorously ”work the program”, practice the 12 steps, and follow what the Big Book said. He added that he was willing to help and teach me for free, not out of personal generosity but because that is what helped him to stay clean and sober.

Telling me I would become a teacher too, Charlie said that teaching others (what he was doing with me) would be my key to not relapsing. Quoting from the Big Book he said, “strenuous work, one alcoholic (or addict) with another was vital to permanent recovery.” What’s more, I would need to help other addicts for the rest of my life because, if I ever stopped, I would be at risk of smoking crack again.

That first session was earth shattering for me. Once again, whether what Charlie taught me was true or not is not important. What mattered is that I BELIEVED what he told me. And from that point on, I went from being on a “mission in commission” – to a “mission in addiction.”

Recovery, Day One...

On November 4th, 1999, I decided to voluntarily check myself into an alcohol and drug treatment centre for 28 days. Even though I hadn’t done any drinking or used any hard drugs (like cocaine) in months, I was what some people would label a functional alcoholic or addict. Not that I saw myself that way, mind you. But I pretended to when I went for my assessment so they would let me into the centre. Because the real truth was, I went to treatment so I could make more money.

If that all sounds a bit strange, let me explain.

In the late ‘90s, I owned a small, five employee recruitment firm called The Executive Network. For over a decade I had done every self-help program I could get my hands on to achieve more business success. However what I also kept doing was sabotaging myself, in countless different ways, including the use of alcohol and drugs. While not on them right now, I also couldn’t stop smoking pot, chain smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee – and for some reason I believed that these “habits” were stopping me from earning all the millions of dollars I wanted.. 

My girlfriend (Lorri Spykerman) in those days had a severe drug problem. And I became inspired when she made amends to me for all the things she stole from me to feed her addiction. I witnessed her undergo a profound personality change as a result of dealing with her crack cocaine addiction in treatment. So I arrogantly thought, “if this type of transformation can happen for a low-life crack head like her” – perceiving myself as being superior to her - I figured whatever self-help program she was doing in this treatment center would help me stop smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking coffee.  I even told my staff that this was the reason I was going into treatment, and soon I would be back to lead us all to wealth. And they were excited!!

Looking back now, I see that what was really driving me was an ‘addiction’ to money, power and success. In fact, just prior to treatment I had finished writing an unpublished mini-book which I titled “How I became a Billionaire by the age of 50: an autobiography of the future by Scott Gallagher”. I kid you not!

I did not see myself as an alcoholic or addict, but I needed to convince the treatment center that I did, or they would not accept me as a client.  So I "lied".

Lorri Spykerman made amends to me while she was in treatment.  She was "being the change you want to see in others" as Ghandi said.  She never even suggested I needed treatment.  She never told me I was an addict.  She was the power of example.  Who she was being was so attractive that a "high-bottom" addict, that did not see himself as being an addict, willingly chose to get help for a problem he did not know he even had.

As a result of going to treatment, I found my mission in life - "my mission in addiction".  It is mind-boggling when I try and think about the profound impact Lorri has made to this planet, just by causing me to go to treatment.

Despite all the abuse and violence I inflicted on Lorri during the years we did drugs together, she asked me to be the master of ceremonies at her wedding.

Many people acknowledge me for the difference I have made in theirs and their families lives.  For me, all that acknowledgment also goes to Lorri!!  I have a life that I love beyond measure.  Thank You Lorri!

Frequently, when we think about something we don’t want, we’re actually not choosing our thoughts at all. We’ve just fallen back into our old, habitual ways of thinking – a sort of mental stuckness, where we keep running the same thoughts over and over and over.  It’s our unconscious programming.  However, choosing our thoughts means focusing our mind (gently, but firmly) on what we want to experience within and in our life.

It’s like the book title, Think and Grow Rich. That is a perfect title to describe how we can actively choose our thoughts – instead of letting them go automatically to what we normally think about, which for most of us is scarcity or not having enough. The idea is simple; however, it’s the practice and mastering of it that seems so hard.

Let me give you another example to demonstrate what I’m saying...

The Power of Not Choosing Our Thoughts...

I was in Florida recently to run a couple of marathons. It was 80-degree weather almost every day, and just beautiful. It was my first holiday in a long time; an opportunity to be away from everything, to read a good book, and sharpen the saw. It was a perfect vacation.

At the end of my holiday, I drove to Tampa so I could return my rental car and catch my plane the next morning. Soon as I stepped into the airport, I got a cold. And on the flight home, I began to feel rotten. I also started eating all kinds of junk food, like potato chips, cola, chocolate; all the stuff  I’ve told myself I don’t want to eat. While I didn’t make myself wrong for it – I just noticed it and kind of smiled at myself – because I knew what was happening and why.

My unhealthy food choices were impacted, and possibly caused by, the future I was living into.

When I was ‘living into’ the future of going to Florida, running marathons, experiencing the sunshine, the warmth, the beauty, and having time away, I was feeling great. I was eating well and taking care of myself. But when I got onto that plane and was heading home to mounting bills, “needing” to find more work, and no more marathons for over a month, I began living into a different future. Now my thinking was more like, “It’s a cold winter there. My holidays are up. And I don’t want to go. Why do I have to go home? I’d rather be here.” I felt restless, irritable and discontented. And I wanted something to escape that – something quick and easy that would not require the work or discipline of choosing my thoughts.

The easy way to do that in the moment was to eat some junk food – and give myself a temporary ‘feel good.’ The more challenging way (though it didn’t occur to me then) would have been to say to myself, “Okay Scott, what empowering thoughts could you create here? Now that you’re going home, what kind of thinking could you choose that would inspire you?” Instead of that, my mind went to what I didn’t want (to be going back home), or to what was easy, familiar and comfortable (like eating junk food). But I wasn’t really ‘choosing my thoughts’ at all.

Choosing a Future to Live Into...

That reminds me of a story I heard some years ago, about how they catch monkeys for zoos.

Trappers take a small cage into the jungle, and inside the cage they place a bunch of bananas. When a monkey comes along and spots the bananas, it will reach through one of the narrow openings in the cage and grab one. However, because the banana is bigger than the hole he’s put his hand through, the monkey can’t get the banana out. No matter how hard he tries, he simply cannot pull his hand out while holding on to the banana.

When the trappers return, the monkey is caught in a dilemma. If he would just let go of the banana, he could pull out his hand, run away and be free. However, because he wants the banana so much, he won’t let go – and is easily caught.

Our mind is a lot like that monkey – and our problems are like those bananas. We think about them and we think about them. We think about how to stop them. We think about what’s wrong with us that we can’t stop them. We think about what got us into them. We think about what others did to get us into them. And we think about trying to stop thinking about them... Yet all the while, we’re still holding on to the ‘banana.’ No matter how hard we try, the result is that we keep holding onto our problems. However, the only way we’ll ultimately be able to let the problems go is by letting go of that thinking – and focusing on being free. And that’s the future we need to live into.

“Let Go and Let God”

In the 12 steps, there’s a principle called, “Let go and let God.” (If you don’t believe in or agree with the idea of God, don’t sweat it. Use another term that works for you: higher power, true self, inner wisdom, whatever.)

For me, what that statement reflects is the same principle I’ve been talking about here: Letting go of focusing on our problem. In other words, releasing our attachment to and thinking about it; letting go of fighting it or trying to change ourselves; and shifting our focus on to what we feel our ‘higher will’ is for us. It’s also letting go of whatever we’ve done in the past and beginning to trust in the process. Like making amends or apologies. Being honest. Helping other people...

At their roots, the 12 steps are also about redirecting our thoughts and our actions in a completely different direction from our problem. In fact, that’s even stated in the program. I’ve often heard it said something like this: Have you ever noticed that, out of 12 steps, there’s only one step that even mentions your actual addiction? It’s Step One: to admit that you’re powerless over your addiction. The concept is that if you admit you’re powerless over it, then you can stop fighting it. And your mind will start to let go of that banana...

Whether you want to use the 12 steps or not is up to you. It’s useful for some people, though not everyone. All I’m pointing out here is that it uses some of the core principles to help people shift their thinking. By releasing the focus off our problems and redirecting our thoughts and behavior towards the future and the experience we want, we will develop new, healthier habits and create a more empowering life.

Habits, Addictions and the Law of Attraction is about both redirecting and releasing. That is, thinking about what we want AND letting go of what we’re thinking about and doing now. However, like that monkey, many of us don’t like to let go – even if the pressure to change, or the pain from the consequences of what we’re doing now is great. That part of our mind likes what’s familiar and comfortable. It would rather not change. It’s uncertain what the future holds (especially if we’re not actively choosing it). And it’s afraid of letting  go of what we’re thinking or doing right now.

So don’t force yourself... Instead, choose one area where you can begin thinking in new ways. Choose one tiny action you can do today to move in a direction you want to go. And begin there. Do it today, do it tomorrow, do it the next day... and soon it will become a new habit.

Letting Go of Negativity

Here’s another tip for recognizing the bananas that you may be holding on to.

Many people who experience unwanted or destructive habits have a lot of negative thinking going on inside, thinking that they’re often not aware of. For example, they might focus a lot on what’s wrong with other people. This could include blaming, complaining or criticizing others in their family, at work or in the world. They may frequently give advice to or try to fix others (or one person in particular).  Or they may continually be trying to correct, improve or fix themselves.
 
If any of these hit close to home, just know that I’m not trying to point fingers at you specifically. Millions of people fit that description! Once again, it’s simply like the air we breathe or the water we drink. It’s part of being human. And most of us aren’t even aware that we’re doing it.

That’s why we need to notice it – and realize the impact it’s having on our life. Why? Because any frequent or continuous focusing on what’s wrong (or “negativity”) will fuel bad feelings within us. With that comes a desire to escape those feelings, by seeking for something that will make us feel better. And that’s what’s driving our unwanted habits.

Those who do research on such things say that our mind has between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts a day – and that the majority of those are negative.  If that’s true, it means that most of us have tens of thousands of negative thoughts each and every day causing our negative feelings. NO WONDER there are so many people with so many different unwanted habits in our society!

If that’s our situation, what kind of change would be realistic?  I’m not telling you to give up judging completely, or that you should never have a negative thought. You’re human. I’m simply saying that we all have a ‘habit’ of thinking that way. Can you see the value of developing a new habit – of choosing to see events and people more positively, acknowledging others more often for the good they do, or looking at what’s right in your life and being grateful? Would that be a habit worth developing?”

One positive thought alone isn’t going to dramatically alter your feelings. But it’s a starting point.  It’s one practical step you can take. And by doing it many times, it will grow that new habit or muscle within you. That’s why each chosen thought makes a difference.

The same thing applies to our behaviors. I don’t tell people to stop doing their habits or addictions, simply because I know that won’t happen; it’s not practical or realistic. They’ve been saying that to themselves already.  Instead, I might invite them to start counting and observing their habit by asking themselves, “How often am I doing this today?”

That question brings the habit more to mind, instead of it being mostly unconscious. People get to see or notice themselves doing it, but without having to judge it. “Oh, there’s one. And there’s another...” Then if they want to, they can begin to take small steps towards the goal they want to achieve. “I’m smoking 100 cigarettes a day right now, and I’d like to stop smoking altogether. Why don’t  I start with smoking one less today?”

This approach is one of the things that helped me stop smoking. My program also included drinking water to replace the need to smoke, as well as doing a little exercise, and growing other new habits.

Whatever your habit is now, think about what goal you would like to reach or where you ideally would like to be. Next, start observing and counting how often you do your habit. And after a few days, ask yourself:  What ridiculously small amount could I reduce that by, today? Do that for a few days, then ask yourself that question again. Keep doing that and see what happens with your habit.

I just finished writing this piece to be added into my next revision of my book, Habits, Addictions, and The Law of Attraction.  It needs to be edited but wanted to get the message out now even in raw form....

"Because this book also deals with those types of habits that we call addictions - and because this book is primarily about the power of our thoughts and our power to choose them, it is important that we talk about “dopamine” which impacts our ability to choose our thoughts.

Dopamine is a reward chemical key in our brain circuits that is necessary for motivation and for mental and physical wellbeing.  Some external substances from sugar to cocaine to “being addicted to proving you are important”, cause artificially high levels of dopamine to be flooded into our system making us feel good.  If these substances or behaviors are taken, or engaged in, on a continuous basis, our brain’s own mechanism for secreting dopamine naturally becomes lazy.  For some people, this dopamine secretion mechanism is barely able to function, so they depend on the artificial boosters (their addictions) instead. 

When a person is dependent on an addictive behaviour, or chemical to stimulate the dopamine, if those artificial boosters were not present, the person experiences extreme dark levels of emotional and physical exhaustion where it truly seems near impossible to control or redirect their thought life. 

And in many cases, only long months of abstinence allows the brains dopamine mechanisms to regenerate to the point of producing the wellbeing chemical at normal rates naturally.  And while the person is going through the process of reducing or detoxing entirely, the depression can be horrendous.  It is very difficult to choose positive thoughts when the brains circuits are not working properly.

I am not saying this is the truth (and I am also not saying that it is not) but some experts believe that “dopamine” addiction is the only real addiction and that any behavior that can deliver a dopamine reward can be turned into an addiction (see this http://pandemicproject.com/uncategorized/donald-trump-diagnosed-with-debilitating-brain-disease )

Particularly if you feel  you are highly addicted to hard drugs like heroin, crystal meth, crack cocaine (and not to minimize any other addictions), or if you have the symptoms of ADD, ADHD, Bipolar, Depression or other mental “disorder” labels, please don’t beat yourself up any further than your mind is probably already doing to you if you can’t seem to redirect  your thoughts.   It is quite possible that your dopamine circuits are simply not running properly and are preventing you from doing so.

If this is the case and you find it seems impossible to choose or redirect your thinking, it might be a good idea to consult a medical addictions expert in how to responsibly withdraw from a substance or behavior that is artificially stimulating your dopamine.  And if you feel your inability to redirect your thoughts is not addiction related,  it could be equally beneficial to seek a mental health doctor to determine if there may be other factors that are negatively impact the your bodies natural ability to produce dopamine.  

The last thing I want for anyone, is that as a result of reading this book, they invalidate themselves for what ends up being an inability to follow the ideas contained in this book. Remember, everything in this book is not the truth and is definitely not the only way to having a great life!!"

We focus even more on the problem we want to get rid of. By giving it energy, it grows in our minds. This makes us feel even worse, so we do the behavior again and again to get the "peace, comfort and relief" we need, even though we know there will be consequences.  And eventually we develop the belief that we are powerless against it. It's definitely a vicious circle.

Eckhart Tolle said once said “One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove the emotional pain, which is one of the reasons for its incessant activity, but all it can ever achieve is to cover it up temporarily.  In fact, the harder the mind struggles to get rid of the pain, the greater the pain”

Consider the view point that it is not that we are powerless against our unwanted habits or addictions, it is that we are so powerful, our thoughts are so powerful that we are actually the one keeping the thing that is unwanted in our lives alive. 

By redirecting our thoughts away from the unwanted behavior entirely, and more in the direction of what you want and what makes you feel good, the energy you were giving the unwanted habit starts to lessen.