Scott Gallagher

One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that, in the field of addictions, there is a huge emphasis on “who’s right and who’s wrong” – and this causes a lot of conflict, anger and even fighting among us. (Perhaps your experience has been similar.)

So what do we disagree on? Without wanting to be facetious, one could say almost everything. From ‘addiction is a disease’ to addiction isn’t a disease. Some people swear by the 12 steps (as the only method of treatment) and just as many who swear at them. There are disagreements about how much choice we have; whether you can deal with several addictions at the same time (my reason for starting All Addictions Anonymous); what substances or behaviors are actually addictions, the differences between addictions and habits, and who is an “addict” at all.

I remember being in 12 step meetings where people were challenging each other about who was a “real” addict. Some would differentiate between moderate drinkers, hard drinkers and true alcoholics. Others took pride in convincing you they were a “real hardcore” alcoholic, or saying things like “You’re not addicted. Let me tell you about addicted!” – and then sharing their worst (or best) stories. So even within fellowships, people were trying to separate one type of addictive behavior from another and making each other right or wrong. Yet this is just a microcosm of what happens throughout this work.

What Is Actually an “Addiction”?

The medical ‘bible’ on addictions, called the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, four edition), includes only a small number of substances – essentially alcohol, drugs and nicotine – in its list. To be factual, it doesn’t even use the word “addictions” at all, but rather refers to substance abuse and substance dependence. The next proposed edition (DSM-5) does use the term addiction, but the list is still quite small. For example, gambling is the only “behaviorial addiction” that will be included; issues like sex and Internet use were considered, but not yet accepted. So the medical way of looking at addictions is a slowly-developing process.

But what about the large number of other ‘addiction-like’ conditions that people are experiencing? For example, consider eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. Many people I know believe these are addictions; however, the professional community does not. Instead, it calls them “mental health disorders.” Then there is the ‘addiction movement’ itself, where the term addiction is used for a wide range of issues from overeating to codependency to criminal behavior. In fact, if you do an Internet search on 12 step groups, there are more than 65 different types of fellowships. So who is really “right” about what is “actually an addiction”?

What Does “Our Ability to Stop” Mean?

Another key aspect for determining what is an addiction is our ability or inability to stop – something I’ve also used in my definition. But who can really determine that for certain? And when we say “stop”, do we mean “stay stopped”? This concept gets us into all kinds of debates.

For example, if our brain chemistry shows we are dependent on a drug or behavior, does that mean we are unable to stop using it? Experience shows that’s not always the case. Or, if we do find a way to stop a behavior –– how long do we need to stay stopped for it to not be considered an addiction? What is the line between “I can’t stop” and “if I had enough motivation, I would stop”? Or when we do discover new ways to stop – as people continually are – does that mean that they (or we) didn’t have an addiction in the first place? Or are they in denial, headed for relapse because they did not stop the way we think is “The Right Way”.

I think you can see the difficulties – and why there’s so much disagreement among those who have been working for years, if not most of their life, to understand addictions, what causes them and how to treat them.

Now I’m not saying that it’s wrong to disagree. We all see things differently, and this process can help us learn from different perspectives. But the problem comes when we focus most of our energy trying to prove our rightness over others. What’s more, communications among us often get quite heated, even abusive. People like Stanford Peele, for example, were viciously attacked when they came out with new theories that disagreed with the disease model. And today, some people attack anything that IS related to the 12 steps. (I recently bore the brunt of such treatment, when I briefly mentioned on a Website the benefits of the 12 steps.)

So what’s my point? Well, to put it as gently – yet as bluntly – as I can, our obsession with “being right” isn’t working.  It’s actually hurting us. It’s confusing people who have “addictions” about what to do. It’s blocking our willingness to the see the value of each other’s perspective. It’s creating conflict, divisions and differences among people working in the same field. And it’s creating fear among those who have problems and want help, as a recent email I received showed all too clearly.

In understanding additions, I often see such differing – and heated – discussions online when looking at weight-loss books, or even listening to the media. Some people say that obese people just eat too much; others say there's psychological or spiritual reasons for weight problems. It hurts when I've struggled so long, and people, very cruelly and judgmentally, say all I need to do is eat less. – Tracey B.

What I’ve come to believe is that our conflicts are now getting in the way of helping people. And that’s why I’ve started to move away from “who’s right and who’s wrong” to “we are all right” - and begin looking for what we have in common.

Suppose we were to put our paradigms aside for a moment, and looked for what’s effective among all approaches? Regardless of how we define addiction or what caused these ‘unwanted habits’ originally, what practices are we using that are actually effective in helping people recover, reduce or prevent them? That’s what I’m committed to find and communicate, so as to bring us together in our shared search for what works.  And that's what this book is about.

If that sounds altruistic, maybe it is. But it’s not just to be “nice” or kind to each other (though that certainly wouldn’t hurt). It’s about beginning to see the impact and cost that our conflicts and arguing are having on people. And it’s about finding the common patterns, issues, practices and solutions that can help anyone deal with any, and all, addictive or unwanted behaviors.

I've observed that many people now use the word “addiction” very liberally. It’s something we see all over. When I do talks in schools, I hear kids talking about their addictions, regardless of what issue they have or how severe it may be. The same happens in our popular media, as celebrities talk about their addiction to this or that. It’s like the term “everyday addictions” – the idea is now being applied to almost any kind of behavior we’re having difficulty stopping. This can be very useful, because it’s normalizing the word – taking the morality out of it, making it something we can all identify with, and taking some of the shame and blame out of it. However, it also has its downside, because at times we are using it to avoid taking responsibility for our behaviors.

Sometimes what we have simply isn’t an addiction. However we hide behind the word because it implies that “there’s nothing we can do” or that change is beyond our control. And the real truth might be that we just don't accept ourselves for not being willing to change.
 
Used in this way, saying “I’m addicted” becomes an easy way out. And I’ve done that with different issues in my own life. I once believed I was addicted to junk food and drinking coffee. Yes, I had other ‘real’ addictions, so I thought it made sense to say that these were too. But what I didn’t understand then was that there was a pay-off to it. And the pay-off was, “I don’t have to be judged by others for admitting that I willingly choose to eat unhealthy food - or doing what I would need to do to break free of these eating habits.” Easier to just call it an addiction and get everybody to leave me alone - including my own mind.

I’ve observed that most of us have a core belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us at the deepest level. This belief can express itself in many different forms. We may believe that we're not good enough, don't know enough or don't do enough. We might think that we don't deserve to have what we need. Or it could be the belief that we are unlovable or unacceptable, or that other people won't love and accept us for who we really are.

When we get to the root of our “bad” habits, compulsions and addictive behaviors, these are the kinds of beliefs that lie underneath them. This is why many of our attempts to break our habits are so ineffective. We try to change the behavior instead of dealing with what's going on inside. The same is true when we want to help others change their habits; we often try to "motivate" them in ways that actually make them feel worse, thereby reinforcing their thoughts and feelings of guilt or “not being enough.”

Paradoxically, even while believing we are 'not enough,' we can also be high achievers. We may hold the highest standards for ourselves, or always try to be the best at whatever we do.  And it's this conflict within us that contributes to our gnawing feelings of discomfort, discontent or pain inside.

Arnold Washton, Ph.D., and Donna Boundy, M.S.W  describes this problem perfectly in their book Willpower’s Not Enough: Recovering from Addictions of Every Kind;

Part of having an addictive “dis-ease” means that we hold certain contradictory beliefs that set the stage for inner conflict and struggle – such as believing simultaneously that we are not enough and that we should be perfect.”

[Thus] …A faulty belief system lies at the root of addiction. This belief system… embraces the idea that it is possible to be perfect, that the world should be limitless, that our image is more important than who we really are, that we are not enough, and that externals (people, drugs, and other things outside of ourselves) hold the “magic” solutions to life’s problems.

Our behaviors are just the symptom. The real problem is what's going on inside of us.

"Events do not have meanings. Events are events, and meanings are thoughts. Nothing has any meaning save the meaning you give it. And the meaning you give to things does not derive from any event, circumstance, condition, or situation exterior to yourself. The Giving of Meaning is entirely an internal process. Entirely" Neale Donald Walsch.

Not only to do we give meaning to events, we give meaning to words.  Yes we definitely have dictionaries and experts to draw upon as a resource but ultimately we are the ones that give meaning to words too.  Why is this important?

I have devoted two entire chapters in the book, Habits, Addictions and the Law of Attraction just on exploring the meaning of the word “Addiction”.  I could have just went to dictionary.com and gave a definition; but then again, maybe I should have went to the Oxford Dictionary.  Which one would have been "right"?

Even the top experts in the field fundamentally disagree on the meaning of this single word on so many levels. 

That’s why ultimately, after exploring what all the experts say I conclude by suggesting that once again there is no “right” definition – and that YOU get to create the meaning of addiction!

Heck, no matter what definition you end up using, people will disagree with you anyways so you might as well just go with whichever one feels right to you. That may sound strange, since we normally look to “the experts” for what’s “right.” However, you are the one who must eventually make choices and take action on your behaviors.  From my perspective, the real goal is not to come up with the “perfect definition” for addiction – but to find one that supports YOU in dealing with it.

When you get that you add the meaning to life, there that is no meaning inherent in anything, that the significance you experience is a function of human interpretation, when you get this you are free, and therefore free to create. The key, of course, is willing to be responsible for the mess you have created so far! – Landmark Education (on Facebook)

The Power of Thought

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them”. - Albert Einstein

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on the premise that thoughts cause feelings and is scientifically proven to be effective for the treatment of a variety of problems, including mood, anxiety, personality, eating, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, OCD, bulimia nervosa and psychotic disorders.  CBT also believes that feelings drive all behaviors!

I bring this up because I have often been asked if I was an expert in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy when I did not even know what it was.  That’s probably because CBT does have some similarities to the Law of Attraction.

The law of attraction is based on the same perspective on the power of thought but goes further.  Namely that “like attracts like”, that positive and negative thinking causes positive and negative physical results, respectively.  And “physical results” includes “feelings”, so thoughts cause “feelings” too.

Now for my spiritual and religious friends, please don’t close down yet.  I think you will see that this view point actually does fully align with your religious and/or spiritual practices, teachings and principles.

The Law of Attraction implies that “thoughts” and “words” are the root of all creation.  I’m sure no expert on it, but even the bible says;

 "In the beginning there was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men."

If “Word was God”, could it be interpreted that “All things were made by Word (thought); and without Word (thought) was not anything made that was made”?

I’ve also heard it said that “Man was created in God’s Image” and that “these things I do you can do but even greater”.

I have no idea where this bible stuff just came from trust me.  I don’t know the “TRUTH” about anything.  The law of attraction and everything I have just said and will say is a perspective I am asking you to consider. Not the truth.

Now let’s go back to the simplicity of the statement, “Thoughts cause Feelings”, and how this could relate to unwanted habits and addictions – and why we do that which we say we don’t want to do.

Could our Unwanted Habits and Addictions be a way of coping with or avoiding the uncomfortable feelings caused by our thoughts and beliefs?  

Only a 1% Chance...

Shortly after I began treatment, a counselor said something in one of our group sessions that forever altered my life. “Statistically, we have the best results in Canada for the treatment of alcoholism,” he said. “BUT if you are also addicted to crack cocaine, then you have less than a 1% chance of staying sober for even one year.”

The statement stunned me. Even though I didn’t see myself as having an existing cocaine or alcohol problem, the truth was that I had been drinking since I was a teenager and started smoking crack cocaine at university, so I’d been doing them on and off for about 15 years. Whenever my use of either one became severe, and seemed to be leading me towards potential homelessness, I would break the habit and turn myself around.

As I began looking more clearly at my life, something occurred to me. Even though I’d made numerous promises to never smoke crack cocaine again, I would always end up going back to it, and usually less than a year after telling myself I’d never do it again. Then I realized something else. Even if I DID make my millions after treatment, statistically speaking it was almost certain that I would smoke crack again. So it wouldn’t matter how much money I made, because I would probably end up losing it over and over again, like I always had.

It was at this point that my priorities changed. If I wanted to be a millionaire (which i have still yet to be), I first had to beat this 99% failure statistic that stood in front of me. Whether or not that statistic was actually true didn’t matter. What mattered is that I BELIEVED it to be true – so I began looking for an answer to beat the statistics.

What also came to me were two important realizations. One was that this treatment centerdid not have the answer I needed – because if they did, their failure rate (for people like me) would not be more than 99%, like it was. Second was that I had to find the answer myself – and that it probably would have to be unconventional, or at least radically different to what the 99% of people who failed were doing now. And I soon met a man who fit my criteria of being both unconventional and radical.

Someone Who’d Accomplished What I Wanted...

Before telling you more, I should probably say that I now see myself as being “recovered from recovery.”  That is, I no longer go to recovery meetings of any sort unless specifically invited by someone to share my story, or if I see some other reason that could benefit others. That means I might attend a 12-step meeting maybe once or twice a year.

What makes that even more unusual is that, after I left treatment, I came to be known by many people as a “booker” – also known as a 12-step “Big Book thumper” or a “recovery Nazi.”  “So what is that?” you may be asking yourself. Well let me take you back to the man I just mentioned.

We met in a Cocaine Anonymous meeting during my second week of treatment. Charlie, as I’ll call him, was 11 years free from his crack cocaine addiction. But more importantly, he had a purpose and passion for life. I became so attracted to his energy that I decided to ask him for his help.

Charlie visited me once in treatment, but our first ‘official’ meeting was at a coffee shop two days after I “graduated”.  He told me to bring a hardcover copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the “Big Book” to people in the 12 steps, which I did.

That day, Charlie opened my eyes to what this new work was going to take. He made it clear that the answer I was looking for – “permanent recovery” – was not only possible, it was in THAT book. He also told me that just going to recovery meetings wasn’t enough. I would have to rigorously ”work the program”, practice the 12 steps, and follow what the Big Book said. He added that he was willing to help and teach me for free, not out of personal generosity but because that is what helped him to stay clean and sober.

Telling me I would become a teacher too, Charlie said that teaching others (what he was doing with me) would be my key to not relapsing. Quoting from the Big Book he said, “strenuous work, one alcoholic (or addict) with another was vital to permanent recovery.” What’s more, I would need to help other addicts for the rest of my life because, if I ever stopped, I would be at risk of smoking crack again.

That first session was earth shattering for me. Once again, whether what Charlie taught me was true or not is not important. What mattered is that I BELIEVED what he told me. And from that point on, I went from being on a “mission in commission” – to a “mission in addiction.”

Recovery, Day One...

On November 4th, 1999, I decided to voluntarily check myself into an alcohol and drug treatment centre for 28 days. Even though I hadn’t done any drinking or used any hard drugs (like cocaine) in months, I was what some people would label a functional alcoholic or addict. Not that I saw myself that way, mind you. But I pretended to when I went for my assessment so they would let me into the centre. Because the real truth was, I went to treatment so I could make more money.

If that all sounds a bit strange, let me explain.

In the late ‘90s, I owned a small, five employee recruitment firm called The Executive Network. For over a decade I had done every self-help program I could get my hands on to achieve more business success. However what I also kept doing was sabotaging myself, in countless different ways, including the use of alcohol and drugs. While not on them right now, I also couldn’t stop smoking pot, chain smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee – and for some reason I believed that these “habits” were stopping me from earning all the millions of dollars I wanted.. 

My girlfriend (Lorri Spykerman) in those days had a severe drug problem. And I became inspired when she made amends to me for all the things she stole from me to feed her addiction. I witnessed her undergo a profound personality change as a result of dealing with her crack cocaine addiction in treatment. So I arrogantly thought, “if this type of transformation can happen for a low-life crack head like her” – perceiving myself as being superior to her - I figured whatever self-help program she was doing in this treatment center would help me stop smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking coffee.  I even told my staff that this was the reason I was going into treatment, and soon I would be back to lead us all to wealth. And they were excited!!

Looking back now, I see that what was really driving me was an ‘addiction’ to money, power and success. In fact, just prior to treatment I had finished writing an unpublished mini-book which I titled “How I became a Billionaire by the age of 50: an autobiography of the future by Scott Gallagher”. I kid you not!

I did not see myself as an alcoholic or addict, but I needed to convince the treatment center that I did, or they would not accept me as a client.  So I "lied".

Lorri Spykerman made amends to me while she was in treatment.  She was "being the change you want to see in others" as Ghandi said.  She never even suggested I needed treatment.  She never told me I was an addict.  She was the power of example.  Who she was being was so attractive that a "high-bottom" addict, that did not see himself as being an addict, willingly chose to get help for a problem he did not know he even had.

As a result of going to treatment, I found my mission in life - "my mission in addiction".  It is mind-boggling when I try and think about the profound impact Lorri has made to this planet, just by causing me to go to treatment.

Despite all the abuse and violence I inflicted on Lorri during the years we did drugs together, she asked me to be the master of ceremonies at her wedding.

Many people acknowledge me for the difference I have made in theirs and their families lives.  For me, all that acknowledgment also goes to Lorri!!  I have a life that I love beyond measure.  Thank You Lorri!