Scott Gallagher

Only a 1% Chance...

Shortly after I began treatment, a counselor said something in one of our group sessions that forever altered my life. “Statistically, we have the best results in Canada for the treatment of alcoholism,” he said. “BUT if you are also addicted to crack cocaine, then you have less than a 1% chance of staying sober for even one year.”

The statement stunned me. Even though I didn’t see myself as having an existing cocaine or alcohol problem, the truth was that I had been drinking since I was a teenager and started smoking crack cocaine at university, so I’d been doing them on and off for about 15 years. Whenever my use of either one became severe, and seemed to be leading me towards potential homelessness, I would break the habit and turn myself around.

As I began looking more clearly at my life, something occurred to me. Even though I’d made numerous promises to never smoke crack cocaine again, I would always end up going back to it, and usually less than a year after telling myself I’d never do it again. Then I realized something else. Even if I DID make my millions after treatment, statistically speaking it was almost certain that I would smoke crack again. So it wouldn’t matter how much money I made, because I would probably end up losing it over and over again, like I always had.

It was at this point that my priorities changed. If I wanted to be a millionaire (which i have still yet to be), I first had to beat this 99% failure statistic that stood in front of me. Whether or not that statistic was actually true didn’t matter. What mattered is that I BELIEVED it to be true – so I began looking for an answer to beat the statistics.

What also came to me were two important realizations. One was that this treatment centerdid not have the answer I needed – because if they did, their failure rate (for people like me) would not be more than 99%, like it was. Second was that I had to find the answer myself – and that it probably would have to be unconventional, or at least radically different to what the 99% of people who failed were doing now. And I soon met a man who fit my criteria of being both unconventional and radical.

Someone Who’d Accomplished What I Wanted...

Before telling you more, I should probably say that I now see myself as being “recovered from recovery.”  That is, I no longer go to recovery meetings of any sort unless specifically invited by someone to share my story, or if I see some other reason that could benefit others. That means I might attend a 12-step meeting maybe once or twice a year.

What makes that even more unusual is that, after I left treatment, I came to be known by many people as a “booker” – also known as a 12-step “Big Book thumper” or a “recovery Nazi.”  “So what is that?” you may be asking yourself. Well let me take you back to the man I just mentioned.

We met in a Cocaine Anonymous meeting during my second week of treatment. Charlie, as I’ll call him, was 11 years free from his crack cocaine addiction. But more importantly, he had a purpose and passion for life. I became so attracted to his energy that I decided to ask him for his help.

Charlie visited me once in treatment, but our first ‘official’ meeting was at a coffee shop two days after I “graduated”.  He told me to bring a hardcover copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, also known as the “Big Book” to people in the 12 steps, which I did.

That day, Charlie opened my eyes to what this new work was going to take. He made it clear that the answer I was looking for – “permanent recovery” – was not only possible, it was in THAT book. He also told me that just going to recovery meetings wasn’t enough. I would have to rigorously ”work the program”, practice the 12 steps, and follow what the Big Book said. He added that he was willing to help and teach me for free, not out of personal generosity but because that is what helped him to stay clean and sober.

Telling me I would become a teacher too, Charlie said that teaching others (what he was doing with me) would be my key to not relapsing. Quoting from the Big Book he said, “strenuous work, one alcoholic (or addict) with another was vital to permanent recovery.” What’s more, I would need to help other addicts for the rest of my life because, if I ever stopped, I would be at risk of smoking crack again.

That first session was earth shattering for me. Once again, whether what Charlie taught me was true or not is not important. What mattered is that I BELIEVED what he told me. And from that point on, I went from being on a “mission in commission” – to a “mission in addiction.”

Recovery, Day One...

On November 4th, 1999, I decided to voluntarily check myself into an alcohol and drug treatment centre for 28 days. Even though I hadn’t done any drinking or used any hard drugs (like cocaine) in months, I was what some people would label a functional alcoholic or addict. Not that I saw myself that way, mind you. But I pretended to when I went for my assessment so they would let me into the centre. Because the real truth was, I went to treatment so I could make more money.

If that all sounds a bit strange, let me explain.

In the late ‘90s, I owned a small, five employee recruitment firm called The Executive Network. For over a decade I had done every self-help program I could get my hands on to achieve more business success. However what I also kept doing was sabotaging myself, in countless different ways, including the use of alcohol and drugs. While not on them right now, I also couldn’t stop smoking pot, chain smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee – and for some reason I believed that these “habits” were stopping me from earning all the millions of dollars I wanted.. 

My girlfriend (Lorri Spykerman) in those days had a severe drug problem. And I became inspired when she made amends to me for all the things she stole from me to feed her addiction. I witnessed her undergo a profound personality change as a result of dealing with her crack cocaine addiction in treatment. So I arrogantly thought, “if this type of transformation can happen for a low-life crack head like her” – perceiving myself as being superior to her - I figured whatever self-help program she was doing in this treatment center would help me stop smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking coffee.  I even told my staff that this was the reason I was going into treatment, and soon I would be back to lead us all to wealth. And they were excited!!

Looking back now, I see that what was really driving me was an ‘addiction’ to money, power and success. In fact, just prior to treatment I had finished writing an unpublished mini-book which I titled “How I became a Billionaire by the age of 50: an autobiography of the future by Scott Gallagher”. I kid you not!

I did not see myself as an alcoholic or addict, but I needed to convince the treatment center that I did, or they would not accept me as a client.  So I "lied".

Lorri Spykerman made amends to me while she was in treatment.  She was "being the change you want to see in others" as Ghandi said.  She never even suggested I needed treatment.  She never told me I was an addict.  She was the power of example.  Who she was being was so attractive that a "high-bottom" addict, that did not see himself as being an addict, willingly chose to get help for a problem he did not know he even had.

As a result of going to treatment, I found my mission in life - "my mission in addiction".  It is mind-boggling when I try and think about the profound impact Lorri has made to this planet, just by causing me to go to treatment.

Despite all the abuse and violence I inflicted on Lorri during the years we did drugs together, she asked me to be the master of ceremonies at her wedding.

Many people acknowledge me for the difference I have made in theirs and their families lives.  For me, all that acknowledgment also goes to Lorri!!  I have a life that I love beyond measure.  Thank You Lorri!

I just finished writing this piece to be added into my next revision of my book, Habits, Addictions, and The Law of Attraction.  It needs to be edited but wanted to get the message out now even in raw form....

"Because this book also deals with those types of habits that we call addictions - and because this book is primarily about the power of our thoughts and our power to choose them, it is important that we talk about “dopamine” which impacts our ability to choose our thoughts.

Dopamine is a reward chemical key in our brain circuits that is necessary for motivation and for mental and physical wellbeing.  Some external substances from sugar to cocaine to “being addicted to proving you are important”, cause artificially high levels of dopamine to be flooded into our system making us feel good.  If these substances or behaviors are taken, or engaged in, on a continuous basis, our brain’s own mechanism for secreting dopamine naturally becomes lazy.  For some people, this dopamine secretion mechanism is barely able to function, so they depend on the artificial boosters (their addictions) instead. 

When a person is dependent on an addictive behaviour, or chemical to stimulate the dopamine, if those artificial boosters were not present, the person experiences extreme dark levels of emotional and physical exhaustion where it truly seems near impossible to control or redirect their thought life. 

And in many cases, only long months of abstinence allows the brains dopamine mechanisms to regenerate to the point of producing the wellbeing chemical at normal rates naturally.  And while the person is going through the process of reducing or detoxing entirely, the depression can be horrendous.  It is very difficult to choose positive thoughts when the brains circuits are not working properly.

I am not saying this is the truth (and I am also not saying that it is not) but some experts believe that “dopamine” addiction is the only real addiction and that any behavior that can deliver a dopamine reward can be turned into an addiction (see this http://pandemicproject.com/uncategorized/donald-trump-diagnosed-with-debilitating-brain-disease )

Particularly if you feel  you are highly addicted to hard drugs like heroin, crystal meth, crack cocaine (and not to minimize any other addictions), or if you have the symptoms of ADD, ADHD, Bipolar, Depression or other mental “disorder” labels, please don’t beat yourself up any further than your mind is probably already doing to you if you can’t seem to redirect  your thoughts.   It is quite possible that your dopamine circuits are simply not running properly and are preventing you from doing so.

If this is the case and you find it seems impossible to choose or redirect your thinking, it might be a good idea to consult a medical addictions expert in how to responsibly withdraw from a substance or behavior that is artificially stimulating your dopamine.  And if you feel your inability to redirect your thoughts is not addiction related,  it could be equally beneficial to seek a mental health doctor to determine if there may be other factors that are negatively impact the your bodies natural ability to produce dopamine.  

The last thing I want for anyone, is that as a result of reading this book, they invalidate themselves for what ends up being an inability to follow the ideas contained in this book. Remember, everything in this book is not the truth and is definitely not the only way to having a great life!!"

I believe certain habits of thought leads us into our unwanted habits and addictions: negative thinking, blaming and complaining, focusing on what’s wrong, seeing ourselves as victims, seeking something outside ourselves to feel better, etc. If these are the habits that take us into our “bad” habits, then it becomes self evident what habits we need to develop, to move us in the opposite direction. Let me illustrate that.

One habit we do is focusing on what we don’t want. It sounds so simple; but that’s the thinking of people who are stuck in any kind of negative pattern, or resigned to something they don’t want in their life. If you look at their thinking, they’re generally focused on what they don’t want.

Take a moment and think about that for yourself. Whatever your unwanted behaviour or negative pattern is right now – whether it has to do with money, relationships, drugs, food or something totally different – is your thinking primarily about the “problem” you have? About wanting to end it, but being unable to, and feeling upset that you can’t. That’s the kind of thinking I’m talking about. So what would be the opposite of that?

Take a few moments now and focus on what you do want. I know your mind will probably resist doing that. But give yourself permission to imagine – even just for a few seconds – the kind of life you’d have or the way you’d feel if you weren’t doing the behaviour that’s concerning you. Would you be happier and more accepting of yourself? Feel freer and more alive? And what might you be doing – getting out more, connecting with people, taking more care of (and time for) yourself? Would you be helping others, making a difference, growing new work, dating more, or entering a new relationship? (There are no right answers here, just the ones that are true for you.) Watch how you start to feel when you think about these things.

After imagining that way for a short time, then what happens? Does something in your mind try to cut you off by saying, “Hey wait a minute, you can’t do that.” Or, “Dream on; you’ll never be able to have that.” Or, “This exercise makes me feel uncomfortable, because I can never accomplish my dreams.” If that kind of thinking pops us, don’t worry about it. It’s simply the ‘old and comfortable’ part of your mind reacting to being taken out of its comfort zone. We’ll get into how to deal with that in the next chapter.

Your Guidance System

What I’ve come to learn, after years of avoiding them, is that our feelings are our soul or our guidance system speaking to us. If we’re having thoughts or acting in the direction of what we don’t want – or if these are coming from a place of fear, desperation or scarcity – then we are going to feel bad. But that bad feeling is actually God, spirit or our human guidance system letting us know that we’re not on track with the life we really want.

Feelings themselves are neither good nor bad, although we label them that way. They’re actually a gift; an opportunity to make a different choice. For example, if we’re feeling restless, irritable, discontented or uncomfortable, as soon as we notice those feelings, it’s an opportunity to say: “Hey, I’m off. Something I’m thinking or doing is making me feel bad. What would make me feel better, stronger or happier right now?” Through practice, the sooner we start to notice our “off” feelings, the sooner we can start to do something that makes us feel better. In other words, if we notice our restless, irritable and discontented feelings now, we don’t have to wait our whole life (or until we get a serious illness, disease or accident) to change.

This awareness has become a key one for me. It’s the way I’ve started to live my life. I’m certainly not doing it perfectly. Every day there will be times when I’m not feeling great, and have those moments, like everyone, when I’m feeling off. But what I try and do now is to pause and ask myself: “What am I doing or thinking about right now that has me feeling this way?” And when I get some clues into what that is, I make a decision to choose differently.

So I found myself mentioned on a website as being a cult leader which led me to ramble on and on about the meaning of the word "Cult", my experiences of being in "Cult(s)" and realizing that Yes it is true... I was a cult leader - hope I am not now.

How Do We Make Ourselves Feel Better?

When we believe something is wrong with us or that we’re ‘not enough,’ it hurts inside. It provokes feelings of unhappiness, emptiness and lack. Thoughts and beliefs that we’re bad or guilty for some reason, even though we don’t know why. We then begin to doubt ourselves and our value. And believing that we’re not as good as others, we may start to feel separate, alone and unsafe.

Instead of making ourselves feel better by doing the work necessary to restore integrity in our lives - being true to our real selves – accepting our thoughts and feelings, making empowered choices and growing into the magnificent lives that I believe we are destined for – we instead turn to the easier softer way – accepting substitutes outside of ourselves.

Here are some glimpses of what that might look like:

- If we’re feeling empty, we may try to ‘fill ourselves up’ through food, drink, entertainment or activity.

- If we think we’re not good enough, we may try to be ‘enough’ by working harder or trying to be “the best” at whatever we’re doing.

- If we don’t believe we have value, we may try to prove our worth through over-performing or trying to attract the praise of others.

- If we see ourselves as weak or vulnerable, we may try to suppress our feelings and emotions, such as tears, anger, tenderness or love. (As a result, we might become tougher and more aggressive, or shut down and become tight and unemotional.)

- If we’re afraid of being “wrong,” we may do everything we can not to make mistakes, be right or be perfect.

- If we believe we’re not lovable, we may compromise ourselves to do things to get what we think is love, acceptance or esteem from others.

In the short term, all of these seem like perfectly natural solutions to fill the gaps we feel inside. But in the long term, they actually perpetuate our problems – because we haven’t dealt with how we think and feel inside.

Seeing Others as the Problem

When we believe we’re not enough or something’s wrong with us, we also begin to compensate by choosing new thoughts to make us feel safe and okay. So we say things to ourselves like: “I didn’t do anything wrong; they did it to me.” Or, “There’s nothing I can do. Other people are the source of my problem.” And that’s where our victim thinking begins. The purpose of these thoughts is to stop us from feeling guilty – by putting responsibility onto others and stopping us from looking inside, because that would be too painful. However, this thinking also stop us from seeing the real source of our bad feelings.

I once heard a church minister state that this blaming mentality started with Adam and Eve.  Not that this is the truth or not but I loved the perspective.  He said that when God asked him why he ate of the tree of knowledge, Adam blamed both God and Eve, saying something like “it was because of this woman you gave me”.  Implying of course that it was god’s fault for giving Adam the woman.

To make ourselves feel better, we may then start seeing ourselves as superior to others. We become the ‘heroes,’ or the ‘innocent’ ones, the ones who are doing our best – while we tell ourselves that others aren’t. “If only other people cared more or tried harder, the world would be a better place,” we think to ourselves. Or we may go the other way. We may start to see ourselves as inferior and feel sorry for ourselves. Thoughts of being hard done by or ‘poor me’ start to grow within us. The purpose of these thoughts is to make us feel okay by having “reasons” for our problems, and to elicit sympathy or caring from others. But in the end, both approaches keep us small, and result in a constant feeling of discomfort which we are driven to escape.

We’ll also try to ‘protect’ ourselves by judging and criticizing others. This makes us feel better by seeing others as the source of our problems. However, eventually this turns into CHRONIC blaming and complaining about people – a key trait of all addicts that I’ve known (including myself). And step by step, we come to see ourselves as victims, not responsible for our life.

Each and every one of these behaviours is a logical response to not feeling good enough. But with each of these ‘choices,’ we are actually burying or forgetting our true self. We use them to make ourselves feel safe, instead of growing. To mask our real thoughts and feelings, instead of being honest. To hide, instead of being seen. And eventually, we start to forget how we really feel and what we really want inside.

Relating through Co-Dependence

Many of these behaviours are characteristics of a specific kind of addiction called “codependence.”  I’ve heard experts state that co-dependence is an addiction beneath all addictions.  In other words, when you take away the drugs, alcohol, or the sex, or whatever the predominant addiction appears to be, you are left with a co-dependent.  Let me describe what that means in terms of our unwanted habits, compulsions or addictions.

When we live and act in ways that are not fully ‘true’ for us, we attract people with similar patterns and characteristics. We then relate to each other in ‘co-dependent’ and unhealthy ways, because our behaviour is coming from our mutual ‘not enoughness’ rather than our real or true selves.

As we do this, a negative spiral sets in. Inside, we don’t seem to have that ‘spark’ anymore. Our well being is increasingly dependent on other people and things. We feel like we have less and less control over our lives. So we begin making more and more “safe” choices, instead of growing and taking risks. We blame others for our circumstances or when bad things happen, because it seems like ‘they’ are doing it to us. And we frequently turn to behaviours, substances and habits to fill ourselves up or make ourselves feel better. This is why co-dependence could possibly be one of the possible causes of all addictions and compulsions.

I watched an incredible video last night by one of my addiction mentors and authors, Dr. Gabor Mate.  He Blew my mind...Again!